Chapter Ten - Prince William Versus Lord Byron
After lunch, Chandler and I went back to my room. Chander nearly had a single, but he didn't have a TV, let alone an XBOX. William had class until two on Thursdays, so we'd basically have the room to ourselves until then.
While Thom and I were in Erie a week earlier finishing off our respective Halloween costumes, I'd picked up the XBOX version of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for cheap. I was playing some mindless Flash game on the Internet while Chandler reclined on William's futon and engaged in the orgy of unnecessary obscenity that is GTA.
At 1:30, William burst in, a full forty-five minutes ahead of schedule. He looked like he'd been hit by the bus to Screwed on its way from Stressed. Chandler on his futon being the first thing he laid eyes on probably didn't help.
"You're back early." I said.
He stomped over to the printer paper box he used as a nightstand and slammed his keys down, dumping his other stuff next to the box.
"Yeah, Mark, I'm going to need the room to myself for the next few hours, so if you and your friend could just leave, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks." said William, starting to lay down on his bed.
By nature, I'm not a confrontational person. In the past, when William had asked for private time, I'd given it to him. I probably would have this time, if not for Chandler.
"Sorry, not gonna happen." said Chandler.
William was pulling the blankets up. "Mark, tell your friend to shut up."
"Again, not on the menu." was Chandler's retort.
William rolled over to face Chandler. "Then it better get on the menu pretty fucking quick! Oh, and add a side order of get the hell off my futon, asshole!"
"Eh, I'm good."
William had tried butting heads with Chandler and found him to be reminiscent of a concrete slab. So he moved on to a target he knew to be softer, more like rubber.
"Mark, come on, I'm trying to get some sleep here." William appealed.
You know what? Rubber can be pretty damn hard if it's stretched over a concrete slab.
"Maybe if you hadn't waited until 4AM to start your homework, you wouldn't be so fucking tired." I responded.
Now the lines had been drawn. William decided to place a bet.
"If you two don't get out now, I'll make you regret it."
Chandler called it. "You're three inches shorter, twenty pounds lighter, and outnumbered. Bring it on, little man."
William laid down a full house by getting out of bed, grabbing my XBOX, and yanking on it until the connecting wires popped harmlessly out of their socked on William's TV.
Chandler dropped four aces via an amused laugh. "Look at that! Dude, do you know how fucking pathetic that was? You didn't even throw it! You're so afraid of getting the RA called on you that you oh-so-daintily set it down, instead of acting like you've got a pair and throwing it!"
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have felt so thrilled about Chandler chiding William on not doing any permanent damage to my stuff.
William jumped back in with, "If I'm so afraid would I--"
At this point, Chandler wordlessly put down his controller and withdrew his Allegheny College keyring from his pocket. They'd been handed out during Orientation--they were the kind that look like mountain climbing gear. Chandler slipped it over his middle, ring, and index fingers on his right hand, making it into a makeshift set of brass knuckles. With his free hand, Chandler beckoned William closer, his face completely blank.
William wavered, then finished his sentence. "--Do this?"
William stomped out of the room, grabbing my backpack as he passed. Chandler ran up and kicked the door shut behind him.
"What'd you do that for?" I demanded. "We should follow him!"
"No." he said, oddly calm. "I've seen this type before. He wants you to follow; if you do, he holds all the cards."
"So what would you do?" I asked.
"Well, he did just walk off with one of your possession without asking, so he has technically stolen from you. Care to take a trip to Reis Hall?"
"What's in Reis Hall?" I asked, gathering the cables from the XBOX.
"Residence Life headquarters." said Chandler as he bent over to help me.
"I getcha." I said. "But first, let's pack this thing up and take it to Jerry's room. Let William think he's won."
"Good idea. Just make sure you lock the door behind you."
"What difference will that make? He's got the key."
Chandler laughed. "No, he doesn't. He left his keys right over there."
Originally posted on January 1st, 2005
While Thom and I were in Erie a week earlier finishing off our respective Halloween costumes, I'd picked up the XBOX version of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for cheap. I was playing some mindless Flash game on the Internet while Chandler reclined on William's futon and engaged in the orgy of unnecessary obscenity that is GTA.
At 1:30, William burst in, a full forty-five minutes ahead of schedule. He looked like he'd been hit by the bus to Screwed on its way from Stressed. Chandler on his futon being the first thing he laid eyes on probably didn't help.
"You're back early." I said.
He stomped over to the printer paper box he used as a nightstand and slammed his keys down, dumping his other stuff next to the box.
"Yeah, Mark, I'm going to need the room to myself for the next few hours, so if you and your friend could just leave, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks." said William, starting to lay down on his bed.
By nature, I'm not a confrontational person. In the past, when William had asked for private time, I'd given it to him. I probably would have this time, if not for Chandler.
"Sorry, not gonna happen." said Chandler.
William was pulling the blankets up. "Mark, tell your friend to shut up."
"Again, not on the menu." was Chandler's retort.
William rolled over to face Chandler. "Then it better get on the menu pretty fucking quick! Oh, and add a side order of get the hell off my futon, asshole!"
"Eh, I'm good."
William had tried butting heads with Chandler and found him to be reminiscent of a concrete slab. So he moved on to a target he knew to be softer, more like rubber.
"Mark, come on, I'm trying to get some sleep here." William appealed.
You know what? Rubber can be pretty damn hard if it's stretched over a concrete slab.
"Maybe if you hadn't waited until 4AM to start your homework, you wouldn't be so fucking tired." I responded.
Now the lines had been drawn. William decided to place a bet.
"If you two don't get out now, I'll make you regret it."
Chandler called it. "You're three inches shorter, twenty pounds lighter, and outnumbered. Bring it on, little man."
William laid down a full house by getting out of bed, grabbing my XBOX, and yanking on it until the connecting wires popped harmlessly out of their socked on William's TV.
Chandler dropped four aces via an amused laugh. "Look at that! Dude, do you know how fucking pathetic that was? You didn't even throw it! You're so afraid of getting the RA called on you that you oh-so-daintily set it down, instead of acting like you've got a pair and throwing it!"
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have felt so thrilled about Chandler chiding William on not doing any permanent damage to my stuff.
William jumped back in with, "If I'm so afraid would I--"
At this point, Chandler wordlessly put down his controller and withdrew his Allegheny College keyring from his pocket. They'd been handed out during Orientation--they were the kind that look like mountain climbing gear. Chandler slipped it over his middle, ring, and index fingers on his right hand, making it into a makeshift set of brass knuckles. With his free hand, Chandler beckoned William closer, his face completely blank.
William wavered, then finished his sentence. "--Do this?"
William stomped out of the room, grabbing my backpack as he passed. Chandler ran up and kicked the door shut behind him.
"What'd you do that for?" I demanded. "We should follow him!"
"No." he said, oddly calm. "I've seen this type before. He wants you to follow; if you do, he holds all the cards."
"So what would you do?" I asked.
"Well, he did just walk off with one of your possession without asking, so he has technically stolen from you. Care to take a trip to Reis Hall?"
"What's in Reis Hall?" I asked, gathering the cables from the XBOX.
"Residence Life headquarters." said Chandler as he bent over to help me.
"I getcha." I said. "But first, let's pack this thing up and take it to Jerry's room. Let William think he's won."
"Good idea. Just make sure you lock the door behind you."
"What difference will that make? He's got the key."
Chandler laughed. "No, he doesn't. He left his keys right over there."
Originally posted on January 1st, 2005
posted by Andrew Michael at 7:47 PM
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