Chapter Eleven - Ashes, Ashes

My mom worked as a Registered Nurse before I was born. She quit her job in order to raise me. By the time I was two, Mom had figured out that she just wasn't cut out to be a full-time housewife (this makes her sound like a bad mother. In truth, she was too energetic and needed something to occupy her time). So when I was almost three, she would drop me off at the house of my paternal grandmother ("Baba;" this was the Ukrainian side, after all). I was her only grandchild thus far, and she was more than happy to have me.

After I turned three, Mom and Dad enrolled me in a preschool program run out of a local church (we didn't attend church yet, but Mom and Dad figured it would be good for me to meet some kids my own age). One of the favorite games of the teachers was "Ring Around the Rosie," a children's rhyme that actually rattled off the symptoms of the black plague. In case you're not familiar with this delightful song (and it's underlying meaning), it goes like this:

Ring around the Rosie (The rosie rash that would spread over a plague victim's skin)
Pocket full of posies (Flowers were sometimes used by the infected to hide the smell of decaying flesh)
Ashes, ashes (Bodies of plague victims were burned once it was determined this would slow the plague's spread)
We all fall down (The tendency of the plague to wipe entire households, or even entire towns, within a few days)

The teachers had taught us gestures to go along with each verse, culminating with everyone jumping to the floor and giggling at "all fall down!" When you're four years old, it's easy to have a good time.

Come to think of it, it's not so hard when you're eighteen, either.

"Uno!" Katalin proclaimed with a bit too much glee. Thom just shook his head from behind the wall of cards that composed his hand.

"Looks like she wins...again." muttered Jerry in a tone that showed he was only faking frustration.

Katalin just grinned.

It was almost midnight two weeks after the incident with William. I'd moved to the third floor of A Tower three days after that. My new roommate was a quiet, athletic guy named Jamie that I got along with much better than William (of course, I probably would've gotten along better with Charles Manson than William by that point).

We were all gathered in the D Lounge of Ravine Hall. It was technically the "quiet study" lounge, but B Lounge was a wasteland with institutional carpetting. As it turned out, William had used his position as class President along with some strategyic bitching at ASG (Allegheny Student Government) meetings in order to get D Lounge an upgrade.

Within a few minutes, Katalin had proven the winner. Yawns passed around the table.

"Well, guys, I'm out." said Jerry. "'Night 'night."

"Yeah, I'm going to call it a night." yawned Ashley.

In fact, no one remained opposed to breaking up for the night and getting some sleep. It was a Thursday, so we all had class the next day.

Katalin and Linda--her roommate that I'd met at Orientation--had apparently had a falling out. They weren't anywhere near the territory William and I had plunged through, but they were maintaining separate circles of friends. That said, Katalin was the only one of us who had to leave Ravine to get back to her room.

Katalin was very jumpy, a personality quirk that I often exploited to hilarious ends. She had the grace to not smack me after I would startle her and chuckle, so I repaid her the favor by walking her back to her room on nights when she came to Ravine after dark.

Now, I know someone out there is reading this and thinking I'm fishing for sex or something. The truth is, Katalin and Chandler were my two best friends on campus. It was genuine friendliness--not some hope of gratification--that motivated me to trudge through the damp November night with her. That, and I enjoyed her company.

"I wish Chandler would come down here one of these times." I said. "I really think you'd like him."

"We met last week, actually." said Katalin. "I can see why you like him."

"Really?" I was thrilled. "How did you two hook up?"

I regretted my choice of words instantly. "Hook up," made me sound like an MTV Veejay, for whom I have a healthy measure of distaste for.

"Define 'hook up.'" said Katalin. At this point, a little red siren light popped up inside my head, unlit. There was noticeable tension in her words. I tried to ease it with some sarcasm.

"I meant 'meet each other.' Unless there was some crazy sex going on, but I think he would've mentioned that."

The long silence made that little siren start to spin and whine.

"Well, there wasn't any sex, per se. Just kind of a random--"

My ears switched off at that point as two sides of my psyche declared war on one another. One side antagonistically proclaimed that Chandler had somehow overstepped his bounds and must pay. The other's jubilant cry was "Linda lied! She's available!"

You see, back in September, Linda had mentioned that Katalin was still together with her on again/off again boyfriend from high school. One of my beliefs has always been that it's just wrong to hit on women who are attached (mostly because it sucks to be the guy on the other side of that arrangement). In consequence, I'd treated Katalin like a sister I never had, never really questioning whether I liked her or liked her. About halfway down the Quade Walk, that unasked question was answered.

However, my newly found affection for her was instantly ripped in half by this percieved act of infidelity. See what I mean about being possessive?

Katalin was still talking. "...So I guess you should go make out with some random girl, so then we'd be even."

"I think I may pass on that, if you don't mind." The voice didn't sound like mine. It was flat, devoid of emotion.

"So, you're not mad or anything?"

I employed the only defense mechanism I knew; I hid everything. "Nah, I's not like you're my girlfriend or anything."

If this were a movie, we both would've stopped walking. We would've looked each other in the eye.

"Do you want me to be?" she'd ask.

"God, yes." I'd reply. We'd embrace, the rain would cease, and we'd have a long, passionate kiss.

But this wasn't a movie, so she sneezed instead. The rain didn't even slow down.

"Um, could you not spread this around?" she asked.

I looked at her face, saw the real concern there. "Don't worry about it. Nobody needs to know."

"I'm worried about this, though. Look, I know you guys like to joke about me being a whore--" There was a running gag that Katalin's FS was "Porn." (And yes, the "oral presention" and "group project" jokes had been done to death) "--and that it's all in good fun, but I'm really not. I'm afraid people will hear about this, and then hear those jokes, and--"

"Katalin. Don't worry. Chandler didn't even tell me about it, and I'm his best friend. It's not going to get out."

"Wait. He really didn't tell you?"

"Not a word."

"I thought you were being sarcastic. So, how did you guess?"

"Um, I was being sarcastic, just not about Chandler telling me anything."

Then, for the first time ever, I heard Katalin swear.

All that came to mind was "We all fall down!"

Originally posted on January 7th, 2005